Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she pinky promised me she was 18
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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