I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like eating out sand paper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
