Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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