i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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