He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
