I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
