I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
