Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
