I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
