Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
