Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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