The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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