Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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