Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
