Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
