I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
