If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My pussy is not your playground.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
