as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
