I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
