I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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