i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
