Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
