You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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