well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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