Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
