i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
