All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
