That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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