All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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