So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
