I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
