Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
