if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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