you traded sex for a burrito?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
