just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
