dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
