defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
