He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
