We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
