I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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