Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
