Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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