I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize