Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
