1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
