i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
