No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
