For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
