dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
