just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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