i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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