Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
