Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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