Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my phone needs a breathalizer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
