so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
