just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
