Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
