Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
