So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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