just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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