wanna go halves on a baby?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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