im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
