I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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