the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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