Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
