Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
