he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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