You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
