1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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