i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
