yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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