Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In America we eat man semen.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
