i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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